Saturday, December 20, 2008

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sunday, December 14, 2008

12 Christmas Funnies For Your Day












Carol Of The Bells...Flat Out Amazing

A Funny Blonde Joke




There was a Blonde in my neighborhood who was weed eating
her lawn. She accidentally cut off the tail of her cat who was hiding in the tall grass.

Immediately she grabbed up the cat and it's severed tail and
rushed them over to the nearest Wal-Mart.

Why Wal-Mart?

Because Wal-Mart is the biggest retailer in the world !

Success...How Bad Do You Want It?

We Spend HOW MUCH On Illegal Aliens?


I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of the following facts:

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year.

http://tinyurl.com/zob77


2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/f iscalexec.html



3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html



4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/0 1/ldt.0.html



5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html


6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html


7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html



8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare and Social Services by the American taxpayers.

http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html



9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html



10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two-and-a-half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US .

http://transcripts.cnn.com/T RANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.ht ml


11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.

Homeland Security Report. http://tinyurl.com/t9sht


12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period."

http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf


13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin.

http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm



14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States ".

http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

Total cost is a whooping... $338.3 BILLION A YEAR!!!

Discover The Healing Power of Bananas

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Never put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
Wrong - you can put bananas in the refrig. It slows their aging - but the skin will
turn dark. But on the inside they will stay firmer longer.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant,
sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has shown that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy i sn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much betterafter eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure.
So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school (England) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydratesyour system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try ea ting a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. Eat a banana.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary f ood against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the b rain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to cha nge that well-known phrase sothat we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes??
Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

Think Your Car Is Safe? Think Again...

Here is info worth the price of your car...WHAT WILL the car thieves THINK OF NEXT?

The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN # from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a

duplicate key based on the VIN #. I didn't believe this e-mail, so I called Chrysler-Dodge and pretended I had lost my keys They told me to just bring in the VIN #, and they would cut me one on the spot, and I could order the keyless device if I wanted.

The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car; He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local Chop Shop with your vehicle. You don't believe it? It IS that easy.

To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN, but you CAN cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief. I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals another car or truck. I slipped a 3 x 5 card over the VIN NUMBER.

Todays Motivation Poster

So...You Got Any Problems?

Why Do We Need To Give FB Our Phone Number To Verify Our Account! Kinda Sketchy Don't Ya Think?!

A Beautiful Sunset

The 6 Best Things About Being In Love



1) Purpose


When you are with the one you love, each of you have a purpose in each others lives. This purpose alone is what moves the both of you forward to a prosperous future together.

2) Completeness

When you are with the one you love, everything feels complete, and there isn't a care in the world about what is yet to come.

3) Passion

The passionate times you have with someone that you love are worth every second, and because of it no amount of money could ever buy those feelings or experiences that you both have for each other.

4) Reason

When you are in love you have a reason to get up every single day.

5) Servant

When you are in love being a servant to each other in a cooperative way goes without saying as once you are in love there is no reason not to help the person you have committed yourself to.

6) Synergy

When you are with someone that you love, the synergy you both have the potential to create is something that a single human could ever touch. By being together, you have the ability to create something greater together than any single individual could ever do themselves. The equation 1+1=3 illustrates this completely.

18 "Interesting" Inventions Coming To A Store Near You


















Saturday, December 13, 2008

Have You Met Bon Qui Qui?

Have You Gotten Your Nails Done Recently?

We Are In Trouble...

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are currently receiving unemployment.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work
for state and city Governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are.

Sitting on your butt.

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice...Real nice

The Japanese Car That Runs On Water

Is This Statutory Rape?








Or Just A Moosedemeanor....

Farts...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

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