Shorter And Sweeter

It Looks Like The NBC Programmers Fell Asleep At The Keyboard

2010-10-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

"I'm Feeling Pretty Awesome Today"

2010-08-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

That's one buff squirrel!

F**K This Guy [PIC]

2010-08-17T07:15:00.001-07:00

My Cat Is Addicted To Digg.com

2010-08-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

A Teacher That Challenged His Students Beliefs And Proved A Point

2010-04-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

(Got This In An E-Mail)

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked, and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich --- a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade, so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset, and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less, and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings, and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that. Please pass this on.

Remember, there is a mid-term election in 2010 !!!!!!

Credit Card Debt Explained With a Glass of Water

2010-04-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

"That's What She Said"

2010-02-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

Photo Credit: the owner of this blog

Major Parenting Fail

2010-02-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you're thinking this, but does it look like this little girl is saluting Hilter?

If so...GOD help these parents.

(Found This On Facebook)

Superbowl Commercials: The Best and The Worst

2010-02-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Superbowl commercials definitely were creative and entertaining. For 3.01M dollars some of the companies came up with some creative pieces to entertain us and sell us their products. Below are the links from around the web highlighting the best and the worst super bowl commercials to appear on TV during yesterdays game plus some links from around the web talking about some superbowl game highlights!

The only place to watch all superbowl commercials (YouTube)

Click Here For The Opinion According to TV Squad

The Best and Worst Superbowl Commercials 2010 According To Time

44 Reasons To Love Superbowl XLIV

Records Set in Superbowl XLIV

The Cutest Puppy Porn Ever

2010-01-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

2010-01-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Did You Ever Notice This?

2010-01-16T08:43:00.001-08:00

This Is God's Computer

2010-01-16T08:39:00.000-08:00

He doesn't believe in touchscreens or tablets, and maybe He is right. It's all old school buttons and switches for The Dude in the Heavens. [Maneggs]

How To Take Advantage Of Getting Snowed In

2010-01-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

Cookie Monster To Computer..."Delete Cookies!???"

2010-01-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Pants On The Ground - Remix

2010-01-14T17:24:00.001-08:00

The Funniest American Idol Original Song Audition Ever

2010-01-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

How Congress and Obama Are Really Screwing Us In The Ass With OBAMACARE

2010-01-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

UPDATE @ 3:07PM EST: Some of this information may be false according to this link
http://www.factcheck.org/2009/08/twenty-six-lies-about-hr-3200/

(Received This In An E-Mail This Morning)

(Total Disclosure: Did Not Fact Check)

(If You Have Rebuttal or Different Evidence...Leave In Comments)

Don't Forget To Read The Last Red Section Of The Post

If you are not outraged by this as a US citizen of this country I don't know what to tell you.

-SAS Admin

-------------------------------------------------

Thomas Edwards, editor of The River Cities Texas Tribune, was contacted to get legal permission to quote David Kithil's comments. Permission was granted, so here are excerpts from the article, giving EXACT pages and paragraphs in the bill and why it is so bad.

You can forward this to all of your email contacts.  I think Judge Kithil hits everything right on the head, and the opposition you may encounter cannot argue over these points:

JUDGE KITHIL wrote:"I have reviewed selected sections of the bill and find it unbelievable that our Congress, led by Speaker Nancy Pelosi, could come up with a bill loaded with so many wrong-headed elements.We do need to reform the health insurance system in America in order to make coverage affordable and available to everyone.  But, how many of us believe our federal government can manage a new program any better than the bankrupt Medicare program or the underfunded Social Security program?"

Both Republicans and Democrats are equally responsible for the financial  mess of those two programs."I am opposed to HB 3200 for a number of reasons.

To start with, it is estimated that a federal bureaucracy of  more than 150,000 new employees will be required to administer B3200.  That is an unacceptable expansion of a government that is already too intrusive in our lives.  If we are going to hire 150,000 new employees, let's put them to work protecting our borders, fighting the massive drug problem and putting more law enforcement/firefighters out there.

"NOW, here comes the good stuff:
JUDGE KITHIL continued:  "Other problems I have with this bill include:

** Page 50/section 152:  The bill will provide insurance to all non-U.S. residents, even if they are here illegally.**

Page 58 and 59:  The government will have real-time access to an  individual's bank account and will have the authority to make electronic fund transfers from those accounts.**

Page 65/section 164:  The plan will be subsidized (by the government) for all union members, union retirees and for community organizations (such as  the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now - ACORN).

** Page 203/line 14-15:  The tax imposed under this section will not be treated as a tax.  (How could anybody in their right mind come up with that?)

** Page 241 and 253:  Doctors will all be paid the same regardless of specialty, and the government will set all doctors' fees.

** Page 272. section 1145: Cancer hospital will ration care according to the patient's age.

** Page 317 and 321: The government will impose a prohibition on hospital expansion; however, communities may petition for an exception.

** Page 425, line 4-12: The government mandates advance-care planning consultations.  Those on Social Security will be required to attend an "end-of-life planning" seminar every five years.

** Page 429,  line 13-25:  The government will specify which doctors can write an end-of-life order.

HAD ENOUGH????  Judge Kithil then goes on:"Finally, it is specifically stated this bill will not apply to members of Congress.  Members of Congress are already exempt from the Social Security system and have a well-funded private plan that covers their retirement needs.

If they were on our Social Security plan, I believe they would find a very quick 'fix' to make the plan financially sound for the future."

Honorable David Kithil
Marble Falls , Texas

What The HELL is up With This Woman!?

2010-01-05T16:07:00.001-08:00

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

2010-01-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little "late" as the holidays have come and gone...but after receiving this in e-mail this morning I couldn't help but share it with you! Enjoy! -SAS

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house

Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,

Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.

He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.

Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.

Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',

Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,

"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."

She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

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The National Debt Road Trip

2009-12-28T09:46:00.000-08:00

NEW Redneck Water Sport!

2009-12-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

An Amazing Commercial

2009-12-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

Gives me chills everytime I watch it.

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VID: Drunk Guy Humiliates Himself at Police Station

2009-12-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

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I would hate to have this guy as my father...wouldn't you?

Crazy Video: Bar Collapses Through The Floor

2009-12-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

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This would TOTALLY suck!

He Saw The WHOLE Thing

2009-12-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

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Looks like this little fella has a "hidden" talent...

Evil Snow

2009-12-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

The Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!

2009-12-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

(I Received This In An E-Mail This Morning)
(Don't Forget To Read Description Below Image)

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Click Here To Learn How To Send Your Christmas Cards Fast!

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Catboob

2009-11-08T20:58:00.001-08:00

How To Make Your Article Hit The Front Page Of Digg and Go Super Viral in 24 Hours

2009-11-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Making it to the front page of digg.com is a bloggers dream...Not only for all of the backlinks but even better all of the attention each piece of content gets in social media through twitter and facebook. Unfortunately most pieces of content submitted never even stand a chance at hitting the home page for a few reasons...

Below are some "real" tips you can implement into your blog posts to make it have a better chance on reaching the highly coveted front page of digg!

1) Make The Story Super-Liberal

Reason: The Digg audience (mostly) loves OBAMA

Example: http://digg.com/d318zin

2) Slam Bush, Glen Beck or any other Conservative Political Figure

Reason: Look at #1

Example: http://digg.com/d319HvP

3) Photoshop a Picture With Popular Political Figure, Come Up With A Clever Title and Position it Against Fox News

Reason: Look at #1

Example: http://digg.com/d3192pj

4) Submit Cool Interesting Pictures or Stories Making Fun Of or Mocking Rich, Successful or Famous People

Reason: Look at #1

Example: http://digg.com/d318yzW

5) Submit News From Left Wing Liberal Sites Like CNN.com

Reason: Look at #1

Example: http://digg.com/d3pyJ2

6) Write A Piece Or Create A Piece of Content that Deals With Green Energy

Reason: Look at #1

Example: http://digg.com/d3jVgu

7) Write Something Or Create Something About Sex

Reason: Hey...we can't argue with the fact that sex sells right?

Example: http://digg.com/d3194Vp

CONCLUSION: Unless you make your content liberally focused or about sex...good luck getting to the front page.

Sincerely,

SAS

Copyright 2009 Shorter and Sweeter

The "Secret Cash For Clunkers Math" The Government Doesn't Want You To Know About

2009-10-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

(I received this in an e-mail)

What a deal!

If you traded in a clunker worth $3500, you get $4500 off for an apparent "savings" of $1000.

However, you have to pay taxes on the $4500 come April 15th (something that no auto dealer would have told you). If you are in the 30% tax bracket, you will pay $1350 on that $4500.

So, rather than save $1000, you actually pay an extra $350 to the feds. In addition, you traded in a car that was most likely paid for.

Now you have 4 or 5 years of payments on a car that you did not need, that was costing you less to run than the payments that you will now be making.

But wait, it gets even better: you also got ripped off by the dealer.

For example, every dealer here in LA was selling the Ford Focus with all the goodies including A/C, auto transmission, power windows, etc for $12,500 the month before the "cash for clunkers" program started.

When "cash for clunkers" came along, they stopped discounting them and instead sold them at the list price of $15,500.

So, you paid $3000 more than you would have the month before. (Honda, Toyota, and Kia played the same list price game that Ford and Chevy did).

So lets do the final tally here:

You traded in a car worth:   $3500
You got a discount of:          $4500
                                              ---------
Net so far                           +$1000
But you have to pay:          $1350 in taxes on the $4500
                                               --------
Net so far:                          -$350
And you paid:                     $3000 more than the car was selling for the month before
                                            ----------
Net                                      -$3350

We could also add in the additional taxes (sales tax, state tax, etc.) on the extra $3000 that you paid for the car, along with the 5 years of interest on the car loan but lets just stop here.

So who actually made out on the deal? The feds collected taxes on the car along with taxes on the $4500 they "gave" you.

The car dealers made an extra $3000 or more on every car they sold along with the kickbacks from the manufacturers and the loan companies. The manufacturers got to dump lots of cars they could not give away the month before. And the poor stupid consumer got saddled with even more debt that they cannot afford.

Obama and his band of merry men convinced Joe consumer that he was getting $4500 in "free" money from the "government" when in fact Joe was giving away his $3500 car and paying an additional $3350 for the privilege.

Why I Feel Bad For Runners In FL

2009-04-19T05:36:00.001-07:00

The Final Geico Commercial

2009-04-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

How Bout Them Underwear!

2009-04-19T05:32:00.000-07:00

Click The Image Then...Look Closely...

Get More Twitter Followers...Show Your TaTa's

2009-04-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Looks like this twitterer went a WEE Bit overboard

Why Men Can't Take Messages

2009-02-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

Self Doubt And The Evils Of Comparison

2009-02-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

*Disclaimer: This is not my content...and don't know who's it is. I thought it was worth sharing with you.

Pride is one of the vicious beast unleashed when you fall into a state of comparison.

First of all, making any comparison has the inherent falsehood that we know what is “Best”.

How could I know that being the CEO of GOOGLE is “Better” than being a Life Guard at the beach?

To believe that such a comparison is even possible is to believe in an external measuring stick – obviously that is crazy.

The only true measuring stick is happiness.

Unfortunately I can get so focused on missed opportunities that I forget that I was happy.

It’s easy to get pulled into the “White picket fence” story where “Happiness is measured by prestige, pride and accomplishments. But I know that my true happiness comes from following my heart and coming from love.

It would be a huge mistake to start focusing on: “Things” as proof of my joy. It would be totally counterproductive to draw value from my life by counting accomplishments vs. others accomplishments.

Here are a few mental “Tricks” to help get back to sanity.

1) Asking myself; I am happy?
Nothing makes me see the insanity quicker than this question.

It is a special kind of crazy to lose the joy of a moment because you compare it to another option. It’s like having a wonderful meal and becoming focused on the six (6) course dinner that I am missing out on.

Am I not filling my belly? Am I not enjoying the taste? Do I even know that I would LIKE the six (6) course meal? Or that it would even be good for me?

2) Focus n the good things about the choices I *DID* make.
While this is still a comparison mentally, it at least helps snap me back into measuring what is important to me.

It is not the miles covered… it is the direction headed.

3) Looking at lives I admire.
Wealth and power are not even things I value. When I start to want them, it is usually when external voices start creeping in.

Let your choices be inspired by personal truth and away from societal pressures. Let your truth be loud enough that when you walk your walk that people hear and support you.

Your path is one of many many small steps and trips and stumbles should be expected.

A Profound Paragraph

2009-02-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931

Survivor - "Texas" Style

2009-02-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do a season series entitled, 'Survivor-Texas Style.'

The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville .

They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock , and Amarillo .

From there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth , and finally back to Dallas .

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that reads:
'I'm Gay, I Love the Dixie Chicks, Boycott Beef, OBAMA 08, George Strait Sucks, I'm here to confiscate your gun.'

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins

Giving A Scammer The Runaround

2009-02-16T21:38:00.001-08:00

I got this from a friend and thought it was funny as hell.

http://www.collegeiseasy.net/runaround.html

I Hope That You Never Have A JellyFish Bad Day

2009-02-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done...In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!

Just In Time For Valentines Day...

2009-02-16T19:12:00.001-08:00

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION* *
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME* *
WITH THE _MOST ROMANTIC_ FIRST LINE,* *
AND THE _LEAST ROMANTIC_ SECOND LINE:*

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

* *

* *

*
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?*

How To Install A Home Security System

2009-02-16T19:00:00.001-08:00

How to install a home security system

1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size 14-16 (well used).

2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Gun and Ammo magazine.

3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a handwritten note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba! Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me went for more ammo....be back in about 1 hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house. Just wait outside til we get back.

Cooter

Why "Why?" Is The Most Useless Question In The Universe

2009-02-16T18:56:00.001-08:00

(I received this in an e-mail from a friend and thought it was interesting...I don't know where she got it from)

Did you know that:

That "Why?" is the most useless question in the universe.

The only question with any meaning is "What?"

Asking "Why is this happening?" can only take your power from you. Asking "What do I want to make of this?" does exactly the opposite.

Here is a great secret: the Why of anything is to produce the What of everything.

Interesting Viewpoint About Government Costs

2009-02-16T18:53:00.000-08:00

"The Proposal"

When a company falls on difficult times, one of the things that seems to happen is they reduce their staff and workers. The remaining workers need to find ways to continue to do a good job or risk that their job would be eliminated as well. Wall street, and the media normally congratulate the CEO for making this type of "tough decision", and his board of directors gives him a big bonus.

Our government should not be immune from similar risks.

Therefore: Reduce the House of Representatives from the current 435 members to 218 members and Senate members from 100 to 50 (one per State). Also reduce remaining staff by 25%.

Accomplish this over the next 8 years. (two steps / two elections) and of course this would require some redistricting.

Some Yearly Monetary Gains Include:

$44,108,400 for elimination of base pay for congress. (267 members X $165,200 pay / member / yr.)

$97,175,000 for elimination of the above people's staff. (estimate $1.3 Million in staff per each member of the House, and $3 Million in staff per each member of the Senate every year)

$240,294 for the reduction in remaining staff by 25%.

$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork barrel ear-marks each year. (those members whose jobs are gone. Current estimates for total government pork earmarks are at $15 Billion / yr)

The remaining representatives would need to work smarter and would need to improve efficiencies. It might even be in their best interests to work together for the good of our country?

We may also expect that smaller committees might lead to a more efficient resolution of issues as well. It might even be easier to keep track of what your representative is doing.

Congress has more tools available to do their jobs than it had back in 1911 when the current number of representatives was established. (telephone, computers, cell phones to name a few)

Note:
Congress did not hesitate to head home when it was a holiday, when the nation needed a real fix to the economic problems. Also, we have 3 senators that have not been doing their jobs for the past 18+ months (on the campaign trail) and still they all have been accepting full pay. These facts alone support a reduction in senators & congress.

Summary of opportunity:

$ 44,108,400 reduction of congress members.

$282,100, 000 for elimination of the reduced house member staff.

$150,000,000 for elimination of reduced senate member staff.

$59,675,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining house members.

$37,500,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining senate members.

$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork added to bills by the reduction of congress members.

$8,073,383,400 per year, estimated total savings. (that's 8-BILLION just to start!)

Big business does these types of cuts all the time.

If Congresspersons were required to serve 20, 25 or 30 years (like everyone else) in order to collect retirement benefits there is no telling how much we would save. Now they get full retirement after serving onlyONE term.

IF you are happy how the Congress spends our taxes, then just delete this message. IF you are NOT at all happy, then I assume you know what to do.

Interesting Image About Obama

2009-02-16T18:52:00.001-08:00

Hmmmm...

2009-02-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's home district includes San Francisco
Star-Kist Tuna's headquarters are in San Francisco, Pelosi's home district.
Star-Kist is owned by Del Monte Foods and is a major contributor to Pelosi.
Star-Kist is the major employer in American Samoa employing 75% of the Samoan workforce.

Paul Pelosi, Nancy's husband, owns $17 million dollars worth of Star-Kist stock.

In January, 2007 when the minimum wage was increased from $5.15 to $7.25, Pelosi had American Samoa exempted from the increase so Del Monte would not have to pay the higher wage. This would make Del Monte products less expensive than their competition's. Last week when the huge bailout bill was passed, Pelosi added an earmark to the final bill adding $33 million dollars for an 'economic development credit in American Samoa. Pelosi has called the Bush Administration"CORRUPT" ??

How do you spell "HYPOCRISY" ??

EVERY AMERICAN SHOULD GET THIS E-MAIL.

IT IS ENOUGH TO MAKE A PERSON
ANGRY ENOUGH TO GO THROW THEM ALL
OUT ON THEIR BEHINDS

Who Am I?

2009-02-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

Who am I?
I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name.

My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.

That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.

I became active in local politics in my 30's then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.

I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.

But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed & housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.

I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics & was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope' , together we could change our country and the world.

So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities" like the Jews. My true views were not widely known & I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader.

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with.

I'm glad they didn't. Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.

Who am I? .........

...............

...............

................

ADOLF HITLER.

WHO WERE YOU THINKING OF?

Hmmm...

2009-02-16T18:25:00.001-08:00

Stimulus Payment Information

2009-02-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America.

You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), funerals, weddings, or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

If You Want To Drive High Quality Traffic To Your Site...Don't Use Reddit

2009-02-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

Here are some interesting observations from where traffic comes to a high quality website on the web. Notice the difference in "stickiness" between all of the different mediums. Most users have been sent to a blog post.

Be sure to keep all of this in mind as you map out your content marketing campaigns.

The Funniest Facebook CAPTCHA I Have Ever Seen!

2009-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Before I posted my link, this CAPTCHA came up.

If You're Single And Want To Find Someone Rich, Don't Use Match.com!

2009-02-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

I guess that if you really want to find a rich person on a dating site...you have a "better chance" using Plenty Of Fish compared to Match.com or E-Harmony

The passage below has been taken from Markus Frind's Blog CEO of PlentyOfFish.com

One of the hardest parts about growing plentyoffish is that it doesn’t really appeal that much to lower income users or younger users.

Hitwise demographic stats for 4 weeks ending 2/7/2009
12.36% of singlesnet users are under 25
10.15% of match.com users are under 25
9.65% of Plentyoffish users are under 25
7.28% of downtoearth users are under 25.

Hitwise income statistics for 4 weeks ending 2/7/2009.
4.11% of singlesnet users make over $150,000 a year.
5.05% of match.com users make over $150,000 a year.
6.23% of eharmony users make over $150,000 a year
12.37% of Plentyoffish users make over $150,000 a year.

The recession in the US seems to be growing Paid dating sites in the US fairly quickly but isn’t really having a major of an impact on my sites growth. We will still grow at least 80% organically this year but I don’t think all that much is because of the recession. The problem being is that most of my users are higher income and aren’t really effected by the current economic problems. If you were me how would you market plentyoffish to take advantage of the current economic times ?

And That's My... (Warning Adult Content) You Have Been Warned

2009-02-13T17:36:00.000-08:00

Sad News About The Pillsbury Doughboy...

2009-02-13T13:26:00.000-08:00

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

The 10 Internet Tools and Websites That I Can't Live Without

2009-02-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

1. Firefox

We all need a way to find our way around this crazy place!

2. Delicious

When you come across an interesting site that you know you want to reference later, Delicious is your answer. Download the toolbar into your Firefox browser and you are good to go.

3. StumbleUpon

Want to find really cool content pertaining to your interest? StumbleUpon is the answer! The ultimate Internet Bordem Buster in my book. Finding cool sites has become that much easier.

4. Facebook

Duh!

5. Twitter

The best way to engage with your following in the most transparent way possible! Share great stuff, and participate in the conversation on a one-one and one to many basis! It doesn't get any better than that!

6. Google Reader

Do you like reading blogs but don't want to have to go to every blog every day? Google reader is the answer! Set up your google reader and then when going to your favorite blogs sign up for the RSS feed by clicking the little RSS icon on the blog. It will automatically redirect you to your google reader and you accept. Presto...now the content is sent to you on demand, and now you further have the freedom to go through it when you are ready.

7. Google Sites

By far one of the best wiki platforms that I know and love to use. It is easy to set up and easy to manage. Don't take my word for it! Go and try it out!

8. Google Analytics

Come on! We all need to know the behavior of the traffic on our website! Google analytics is your answer to all of those probing questions like (What is the average amount of time each visitor spends on my website? or What is my websites bounce rate?) Set up your account and put the little code on your website! After that let the data roll in!

9. Mind Meister

Do you like putting your ideas into mind maps? Well Mind Meister has one of the best free platforms that I know of to put your ideas down on "internet paper" with a very simple and easy to use interface.

10. Get-Response

To help me store and manage all of my e-mails lists, I use Get-Response. It is not the most high tech autoresponder, but it works for me and gets the job done!

What are your favorite tools?

The Funniest Facebook Group Invitation I have Ever Received

2009-01-31T08:49:00.001-08:00

I get lots of facebook invites...this one takes the cake for one of the funniest I have ever received.

Hey Mom!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

2008-12-20T10:55:00.001-08:00

A Very Powerful Movie

2008-12-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

12 Christmas Funnies For Your Day

2008-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

Carol Of The Bells...Flat Out Amazing

2008-12-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

A Funny Blonde Joke

2008-12-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

There was a Blonde in my neighborhood who was weed eating
her lawn. She accidentally cut off the tail of her cat who was hiding in the tall grass.

Immediately she grabbed up the cat and it's severed tail and
rushed them over to the nearest Wal-Mart.

Why Wal-Mart?

Because Wal-Mart is the biggest retailer in the world !

Success...How Bad Do You Want It?

2008-12-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

We Spend HOW MUCH On Illegal Aliens?

2008-12-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of the following facts:

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year.

http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/f iscalexec.html

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/0 1/ldt.0.html

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare and Social Services by the American taxpayers.

http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two-and-a-half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US .

http://transcripts.cnn.com/T RANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.ht ml

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.

Homeland Security Report. http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12. The National Policy Institute, "estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period."

http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin.

http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. "The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States ".

http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

Total cost is a whooping... $338.3 BILLION A YEAR!!!

Discover The Healing Power of Bananas

2008-12-14T09:16:00.001-08:00

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Never put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
Wrong - you can put bananas in the refrig. It slows their aging - but the skin will
turn dark. But on the inside they will stay firmer longer.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant,
sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has shown that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy i sn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much betterafter eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure.
So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school (England) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydratesyour system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try ea ting a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. Eat a banana.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary f ood against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the b rain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to cha nge that well-known phrase sothat we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes??
Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

Think Your Car Is Safe? Think Again...

2008-12-14T09:15:00.001-08:00

Here is info worth the price of your car...WHAT WILL the car thieves THINK OF NEXT?

The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN # from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a

duplicate key based on the VIN #. I didn't believe this e-mail, so I called Chrysler-Dodge and pretended I had lost my keys They told me to just bring in the VIN #, and they would cut me one on the spot, and I could order the keyless device if I wanted.

The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car; He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local Chop Shop with your vehicle. You don't believe it? It IS that easy.

To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN, but you CAN cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief. I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals another car or truck. I slipped a 3 x 5 card over the VIN NUMBER.

Todays Motivation Poster

2008-12-14T09:09:00.001-08:00

So...You Got Any Problems?

2008-12-14T09:07:00.001-08:00

Why Do We Need To Give FB Our Phone Number To Verify Our Account! Kinda Sketchy Don't Ya Think?!

2008-12-14T09:04:00.001-08:00

A Beautiful Sunset

2008-12-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

The 6 Best Things About Being In Love

2008-12-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

1) Purpose

When you are with the one you love, each of you have a purpose in each others lives. This purpose alone is what moves the both of you forward to a prosperous future together.

2) Completeness

When you are with the one you love, everything feels complete, and there isn't a care in the world about what is yet to come.

3) Passion

The passionate times you have with someone that you love are worth every second, and because of it no amount of money could ever buy those feelings or experiences that you both have for each other.

4) Reason

When you are in love you have a reason to get up every single day.

5) Servant

When you are in love being a servant to each other in a cooperative way goes without saying as once you are in love there is no reason not to help the person you have committed yourself to.

6) Synergy

When you are with someone that you love, the synergy you both have the potential to create is something that a single human could ever touch. By being together, you have the ability to create something greater together than any single individual could ever do themselves. The equation 1+1=3 illustrates this completely.

18 "Interesting" Inventions Coming To A Store Near You

2008-12-14T07:21:00.000-08:00

Have You Met Bon Qui Qui?

2008-12-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

Have You Gotten Your Nails Done Recently?

2008-12-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

We Are In Trouble...

2008-12-13T07:59:00.001-08:00

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are currently receiving unemployment.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work
for state and city Governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are.

Sitting on your butt.

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice...Real nice

The Japanese Car That Runs On Water

2008-12-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

Is This Statutory Rape?

2008-12-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Or Just A Moosedemeanor....

Farts...

2008-12-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

The 18 Funniest Bailout Cartoons Ever

2008-12-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

The Holidays Mean What?!

2008-12-06T17:28:00.000-08:00

Today I came across this very racy and controversial card through a twitter post that came from someone that I follow.

Although vulgar and possibly offensive to some, the message on the left side of the card definitely has a legitimate point.

What are your thoughts about the message this card is sending?

Welcome

2008-12-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this blog where I will be posting worthwhile advice with the occasional weird observation from time to time.

I hope that you get value out of this and if not, please don't hesitate to tell me something is stupid or something sucks...as I appreciate any and all types of feedback.